“You’ve Been Transported Back in Time – and to Mars!”

Adventure Time raises so many questions. Like, why is there a magically expanding 28-year-old viola-playing dog named Jake who can connect to the internet with his mind and has a penchant for booties? Is the Ice King a patoot, or fifty patoots? Does the Ice King really promise to “cleave the meat from your bones, and stop still your beating heart”, like it sounds like he does? Why is there a drum set in the Ice Castle? Why are none of our politicians addressing the problem of the ninja-instigated theft of old men’s diamonds? Why is “Rhombus!” not a commonly used interjection? But, most critically, who at Nickelodeon was high enough to agree to air this thing?

So wrong, and yet so very, very right.

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