Moral Panics

This collection of complaints about various elements of the latest Super Bowl – like the tacky Snickers ad and Prince’s shadow phallus – is truly priceless. This is my favorite serious one:

It was obscene to show Prince, a HOMOSEXUAL person through a sheet, as to show his siluette while his guitar showed a very phalic symbol coming from his below-midriff section. I am very offended and I would preffer not to have showed it to my 4 children who love football. One of them has hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay. I am actually considering to check him for HIV. Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.

This man appears to believe the following:

  • Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, playboy, and twice-divorcée who has been repeatedly accused of misogyny, is, in fact, gay.
  • That “prefer” is spelled with two fs.
  • That the silhouette of Prince’s guitar has the power to turn his would-be quarterback son gay (it’s just that attractive).
  • That his son’s sudden gayness rules out quarterbacking.
  • That the silhouette of Prince’s guitar, in addition to turning his son gay, has infected him with HIV as well.
    Wow. I want to meet this man. Anyway, this complaint strikes me as a fairly obvious joke:

    I find it highly unacceptable to have a family watching a sporting event only to find Prince stroking, manipulating and fondleing his guitar behind the curtain. This image only made him look extremely large which made the rest of us feel small, and unable to perform this evening.

    At least I hope it’s a joke. Otherwise, it would just be totally depressing. Poor anonymous impotent man.

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